Drowning Inside.

One of the hardest things about being without my husband for two to three weeks is all the problems I have. I have depression, anxiety, and a lot of symptoms of PTSD (I haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD unlike the other two so I will not claim I have it). I’ve been working through it and finding ways to deal with it. I normally don’t go telling everyone my issues because it’s nothing to be proud of. Yet I see people all the time posting about how they have all these issues like they are so proud of having it or because they love the attention.

It’s not romantic to have mental illness. I see some people thinking that all their problems will all be solved when they find “the one”. This is far from true if you truly have a mental illness.  Everyday is a struggle, some more than others.  I’ve had people tell me to just be happy or to calm down. If it was as easy as that then no one would ever be sad. Now there is a different between trying to be happy and people who just act depressed all the time. Some people do choose not to be happy because they enjoy the attention despite it being negative.

I’ve gotten a lot better from where I was over a year ago. Since I was 13, I had done some self harming. I cut my self, burned myself, punched things. However, cutting was how I released my pain for the most part. I have scars on my arms, legs, and on my chest. I haven’t cut since November 2012. I remember with all my cuts that I would have friends who would slap my cuts as to try to get me stop. I always thought this was ridiculous because it didn’t do anything. I had cut to get rid of the emotional pain. How people reacted to this usually didn’t help. I had a family member tell me I was stupid for cutting. When they called my therapist to get me committed, my therapist insisted on not having me committed but instead to see her more often. This family member was furious, claiming that they guess you couldn’t be committed for stupidity. I was 17 at this time. This did not help all the things that were going on in my head that had originally caused me to cut myself.

I still get urges to cut but I learned to try to putting my focus to other things. As I mention in a previous post, I have anxiety attacks after being alone when my husband is gone. It used to happen less than a day of him being gone. Since we got our fur baby, I don’t get my attacks until about 4 or 5 days of my love being gone. I have get really upset with knots in my stomach, I can’t calm myself down, a panicky feeling, I start shaking, and so much more. These are the worst feelings in the world.

I feel like I’m drowning while everyone else is breathing. There is a lot of things that brought on my illness other than my brain chemistry being a little funky but I will not go into that.  I still try to find the good in everyday. I’ve been grateful to have a husband who tries to be patient with me when I have my issues. I’m lucky to have friends who do their best to help me get through these. I even had a friend kindly get us an alarm system so I could calm myself more when I thought someone was after me.

If you know anyone with a mental illness, please be patient with them. Do NOT tell them just to get over it or to just be happy. It will not  help them. Everyone is fighting their own battle and others are having to fight harder with their brains.

If you are feeling suicidal please talk to someone or call:  1-800-273-TALK (8255). Your life is worth living and you are not in this alone. If you share my problems or feel like I can help you please email me at Simplyanarmywife@yahoo.com. I swear you will never have to be alone. I’m help for you and I want you to know you are loved.

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Marriage.

I thought I’d take a break from Military life and talk about Marriage. I told a bit about my marriage in the very first post of this blog. I’m going to elaborate on it in this blog;

I got married when I was 17 and a senior in high school. I had only dated my husband about three months before we got married. We didn’t have a formal engagement because we were planning on getting married in August after I turned 18. In fact my husband was planning on proposing in person the weekend we got married, but instead we got married. I’ve known my husband since I was a sophomore and we had dated a few times. Before we got married I made him wait a month before saying yes to dating because of the issues in my life I was having. We got married on March 7th, 2013 with my parents signing off on it.

Our first year of marriage was hard. I didn’t know how to handle my depression and anxiety, my husband didn’t know how to communicate and express himself. I would start having anxiety attacks after three days of being alone, so that put a lot of stress on my love. It didn’t help that I had the implanon and that had me always grumpy and moody. My husband had only known the me that was on the implanon. We also had to learn that friendships and exes were not worth are marriage.

As the year progress, my husband started to learn that he needed to talk to me and couldn’t just pretend nothing was wrong. I had to learn to give him time to talk. I started to handle my anxiety and depression with the help of my love and our pup. I even had the implanon removed which, according to my husband, I became more cheery and I know I felt happier.

A lot of people think marriage is just a piece of paper. People stop trying to fight for the person they marry and they marry for the wrong reasons. The first year of marriage is very hard. You have to learn to communicate, what the person’s love language is, and how to stand by them even when you disagree. People tend to think their SO are not trying when it’s possible that the people is trying but isn’t trying to what your love language is. People give up too fast. One of the things my husband and I agreed on before we married is that, if we did this, we were stuck together till death do us part. That means NO divorce. Honestly I don’t think my husband and I would have made it as far if we didn’t agree on that. We had to fight to be happy and to grow together instead of just going of straight to divorce.

Marriage isn’t just a piece of paper. It’s the promise to commit to one another for life. You are committing your life to stand by one another no matter what. People get into marriage for all the wrong reasons like; You have a child together, you’ve been together so long it just seems like the right thing to do, you marry for the financial support, you get married just because. Marriage needs to be between two people who love one another like no other, who are ready to spend their lives together, and won’t stop dating or fighting to be with the one they love even after marriage. You need to be married to your best and sometimes only friend. You need to put your love one over anyone else (Except your children) and no one, no friendship, is worth hurting your marriage.

In my marriage now, my husband and I are very happy. We still have some arguments here and there but we know how to handle them now. We do what we can to bring one another up and help one another in any thing that hurts us. We are growing together and I see us having a long happy life together.

If you are thinking of getting married, make sure it’s for the right reasons and that you can see yourself spending your life together. If you are married, then please keep fighting for your marriage. Try to go on dates even if it’s just a family walk. Remember, you may not thinking your SO is trying but they may be trying the best way they know. Communication is key, if your SO is like how my husband was and do no talk when a problem comes up but instead just tries to avoid, that usually means they don’t know how to talk about it. Some people are not good with communication or they just don’t want to make things worst.

Now if your marriage is beyond saving, then I hope that you both end up happy and end on good terms.

Remember, cheating is not okay and abuse is not okay. (Abuse can be sexual, physical, economical, or emotional)

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Being Married to a Soldier.

When you marry someone that’s in the military, you marry the job. Any military wife can tell you that. You have different type times of wives for this. You have the wives who try to know everything they can about their job, wives who were previously in the military, wives who have only the minimum to do with their husband’s jobs, and then the wives who pretend to know everything but really don’t.

I, myself, is the wife who tries her best to know my husband’s job because I don’t want to be clueless about what he tells me. It helps that my neighbor is the wife that was previously was military. So it’s easier for me to figure it out.

There are pros to being married to someone in the military; you have housing taken care of, medical benefits, etc. But unless your married to a soldier and truly love them, you don’t know the emotional pros. The pride you get when someone shakes their hand and thanks them for their service, when they get an award, and just knowing that they are trying to do their best for our country. You have your heart swell knowing that they would take a bullet for a stranger which means they would do anything for you. However, it’s not the romanticize story people seem to think it is..

There are cons; the worry for some people that their love ones will be deployed and hurt or killed out there. The men and women of Fort Irwin go out in the field for training for two weeks. Their SO worry about them because it’s just as dangerous. There have been times where my husband was almost killed. Some people have lost limbs. The thing is, I get told not to worry about my husband because he’s not deployed and he’ll be home at some point. That may not be true. The wives of these soldiers in Fort Irwin usually understand. Fort Irwin has one of the highest divorce rates as well. Being married to someone in the military isn’t always hard no matter where you are. You just love them and stand by their side anyways.

It’s an amazing feeling to know you married a hero, but at the same time, it’s very emotionally straining. You have the worry about their jobs, people who spread hate on them, and even people who are trying to get with your SO. Marriage is not easy. No marriage is. Some marriages have harder roads to go on. The only way a marriage can last is to stay strong through it all. Stand by your Solider, Sailor, Marine, or Airman no matter what.

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Douchebags In the Military.

I’m so embarrassed….. Last week I posted Part two to the wrong blog!!!! Talk about a facepalm….. If you missed it, I reblogged it from my other blog which is a fitness blog. I’m so sorry.

This week I want to put some focus on our country’s heroes…….. Well some of them. We all know someone like this: Cute, has someone, but uses the military as excuses to either cheat or avoid their SO. They may even have an ego the size of Texas. These are the people who you wonder how someone could stay with them. These are the Douchebags of the Military. These are the people who you know they are doing things like I’ve explained before but you won’t say anything because; well who really wants to be that jerk? The messenger will always be shot.

These people make me very frustrated. I’m very against cheating. Not because I’m a Christian but because cheating is a very crappy thing to do to someone…. Some people say that “Well if you aren’t happy then leave” but the problem isn’t that they are unhappy. I’ve seen many people be with someone to use them for whatever reason in civilian life and in the military life. It’s just horrible. Then I either watch or I hear that some of the people in the military will use their job to avoid their girlfriends or to not go home to their wives.

These people will use their training as an excuse or take on extra “chores” or whatever to why they can’t see you. Sometimes it’s not even true what they say they are doing. Some of these SO’s will find out about these douchebags’ lies and go so far into denial. I’ve seen that happen as well. It’s so sad. I have a hard time telling my friends’ to grow a pair when they need it that I can’t imagine being unfaithful to someone I claim to love.

Now, I’m not trying to install fear into you faithful SO’s of military personnel. If your SO is saying the military is preventing them from seeing you or from coming home, it’s probably true because the military enjoys making people miserable. The military can easily take them away. I know my husband will call me and tell me he has to go out in the field after being told hours before he’s staying in town….. How do I know my husband isn’t one of these guys?? Well he can’t lie to me. He just can’t, his facial expressions give him away. Also I trust him and his morals. He’s just like me, he’s very against cheating. He also helps me see he isn’t being unfaithful or avoiding me because he calls or texts me every chance he gets and comes home at any moment he can.

So just because your SO says the military is keeping them, doesn’t mean they are lying. If you trust your love then keep on trusting them until they give you a solid reason not to trust them.

As for the people who use their job to cheat or avoid their SO:

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Dependapotamus. Part one.

Everyone in the military has heard of the not so rare, Dependapotamus. For those who don’t know what a Dependapotamus, it’s a stereotypical military wife. As Urban Dictionary defines it: “Traditionally a servicemember’s dependent who is a “stay at home mom” that doesn’t do a d*mn thing all day besides sitting on the couch looking remarkably similar to Jabba the Hutt, leaching off of military benefits, and eating anything that gets too close”

Now not everyone military wife is a Dependapotamus, but I can assure you, you know at least one! These are the women who give the military wives who are truly there to support and love their husbands a bad name. Something I’ve experienced since being married to a soldier is that people who don’t know me assume I’m cheating on my husband, they assume that all I do is sit on my ass, letting my house get dirty, and do nothing for my husband… That’s people who don’t know me. I know I’m not the only wife that gets these assumptions.

I asked my husband to ask his fellow brothers what they thought when they heard “Dependapotamus”. Here is are the answers I got:
“An army spouse that does nothing but depend on his/hers SO paycheck”
“Big, Lazy wives, don’t do anything, chill out at starbucks, nothing but walking babies in carriage” “Groteeskely obese women, doesn’t do sh*t, drools in their sleep, gross, discusting, lazy”
“Fat b*tch who keeps getting pregnant, army spouse that keeps having babies to keep her SO and their paychecks”
“Fat, Lazy spouse that does nothing but steal her SO money, max out credit cards, doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, lives off just on a army paycheck, and would probably leave their SO if they leave the military”
“A woman who cheats on her husband, is overweight, does nothing at home, lives only off her husband’s paycheck, and would leave him if he leaves the military.”

There are so many women that actually do things like stated before and it’s truly sad for the women who married their husbands out of love, who try to have a job, who tries to stay in shape, and who actually takes care of their home and their families. I really want to change how military wives are viewed but it will be hard knowing that there are women who fit the “dependapotamus” description.

I will continue my thoughts on Dependapotamus next Wednesday because there is still so much I have to say on it. I rather not continue because I know I would make this too long to read. Until then, think of this; If you are a military wife, what do you do to help change the view of a military wife?

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Fort Irwin Army Wife.

I married a soldier on 7 March 2013. What they don’t tell you when you marry into the military is you marry the job as well. For the first two and half months of my marriage I was apart from my love because I had to finish high school. (Please don’t focus on that part of this story though.)

In May is when I was able to join my love in Fort Irwin, CA. I was warned about this place. I was told it had one of the highest divorce rates. I was spending most of my first and hardest years of marriage in a place that tore them down. That terrified me.

Well I’m past the one year mark now and I’m more in love with my husband now than I was when we first got married. We are surviving Fort Irwin. My husband along with many other soldiers leave for two weeks every month for training. Sometimes we get lucky and they are only out there for a short time and the work days are just longer instead. Other times, I won’t get to see my love except for a few hours out of that whole time.

The reason I’m have started this blog is because I have a lot of friends who ask me how I do it and other friends who think I should quit my whining because my husband isn’t deployed. This whole thing is an “experiences may vary”. What I go through is what I go through. I don’t feel it’s fair to undermine what I experience just because it’s different from you. So this is to help people understand how I deal with my husband being gone even if it’s for a short time for you.

Some things to know before I go; I have depression, severe anxiety, and I’m a very sensitive person. After a certain amount of time I get anxiety attacks when my husband is gone. It used to be worst and I’ve been working on it a lot. So my husband being gone may affect me differently than you.

Again these are my experiences and may differ from yours. I will start posting these every Wednesday from now on. I hope you enjoy.

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